A Girl In Love

"The problem is we look at the world through the law, but we ask Jesus to look at us through mercy and grace."

Wed, 30 May 2012 15:03:11 +0800

So true. I’m guilty of this very much.

What do you do when sorry has lost its meaning with you because you've said it countless times but never seem to change?

Fri, 25 May 2012 18:57:44 +0800

Sorry seems to be the easiest thing to say, and the hardest thing to do.

Hope

Thu, 17 May 2012 18:06:00 +0800

Okay, at times like this, I also tend to Google (actually, I Google almost everything, so I know plenty of random knowledge) what the bible says with respect to what I am going through right now. This time, it happens to be “What does the bible say about hope?” and I came across this very good post and I thought I should share it here:

What is the Christian’s hope?

Most people understand hope as wishful thinking, as in “I hope something will happen.” This is not what the Bible means by hope. The biblical definition of hope is “confident expectation.” Hope is a firm assurance regarding things that are unclear and unknown (Romans 8:24-25; Hebrews 11:1, 7). Hope is a fundamental component of the life of the righteous (Proverbs 23:18). Without hope, life loses its meaning (Lamentations 3:18; Job 7:6) and in death there is no hope (Isaiah 38:18; Job 17:15). The righteous who trust or put their hope in God will be helped (Psalm 28:7), and they will not be confounded, put to shame, or disappointed (Isaiah 49:23). The righteous, who have this trustful hope in God, have a general confidence in God’s protection and help (Jeremiah 29:11) and are free from fear and anxiety (Psalm 46:2-3).

The New Testament idea of hope is the recognition that in Christ is found the fulfillment of the Old Testament promises (Matthew 12:21; 1 Peter 1:3). Christian hope is rooted in faith in the divine salvation in Christ (Galatians 5:5). Hope of Christians is brought into being through the presence of the promised Holy Spirit (Romans 8:24-25). It is the future hope of the resurrection of the dead (Acts 23:6), the promises given to Israel (Acts 26:6-7), the redemption of the body and of the whole creation (Romans 8:23-25), eternal glory (Colossians 1:27), eternal life and the inheritance of the saints (Titus 3:5-7), the return of Christ (Titus 2:11-14), transformation into the likeness of Christ (1 John 3:2-3), the salvation of God (1 Timothy 4:10) or simply Christ Himself (1 Timothy 1:1).

The certainty of this blessed future is guaranteed through the indwelling of the Spirit (Romans 8:23-25), Christ in us (Colossians 1:27), and the resurrection of Christ (Acts 2:26). Hope is produced by endurance through suffering (Romans 5:2-5) and is the inspiration behind endurance (1 Thessalonians 1:3; Hebrews 6:11). Those who hope in Christ will see Christ exalted in life and in death (Philippians 1:20). Trustworthy promises from God give us hope (Hebrews 6:18-19), and we may boast in this hope (Hebrews 3:6) and exhibit great boldness in our faith (2 Corinthians 3:12). By contrast, those who do not place their trust in God are said to be without hope (Ephesians 2:12; 1 Thessalonians 4:13).

Along with faith and love, hope is an enduring virtue of the Christian life (1 Corinthians 13:13), and love springs from hope (Colossians 1:4-5). Hope produces joy and peace in believers through the power of the Spirit (Romans 12:12; 15:13). Paul attributes his apostolic calling to the hope of eternal glory (Titus 1:1-2). Hope in the return of Christ is the basis for believers to purify themselves in this life (Titus 2:11-14; 1 John 3:3).

Source (x)

I like the phrase that they used to describe the Christian hope: confident expectation. It’s just the reminder I need as I’m beginning to lose hope and doubt God and His plans for me.

17 May 2012

Thu, 17 May 2012 17:59:13 +0800

Still no progress in finding a job. I really wanted an internship. I looked at all the job scopes of various admin assistant positions, things like photocopying, data entry and the sorts and they just sound so mundane and pointless. I always hated the idea of working for the sake of money and I still do. I would much rather get an internship position, earn less money and gain much more knowledge and experience. But life forces us to be practical eventually. I need money and I also very much do not want to waste away 3 months of my life at home doing nothing (doing nothing because I won’t have the money to go out without a job). Anyway, the fact that there are various admin assistant vacancies out there annoys me so much more. Am I really that undesirable? I have experience in that field, and I believe my resume is decent enough. Yet I’ve not gotten a single call back or offered even an interview. Times like this, I feel like Psalm 139:14 is just a big joke. I’ve never felt this lousy and rejected in my life.

I’m the sort of person who wallows in sorrow and self-pity for the next day or two every time I meet with a huge obstacle. By wallowing, I mean sitting around the house eating junk food, watching shows and sleeping. Essentially, doing nothing. I’m trying my best not do that any more. I’m trying to just move on and do what I ought/want to be doing in my life regardless of having a job. I’m trying my best to continue holding my head up high, continue blasting off those resumes to various job positions, continue using my time wisely like reading books and practising my guitar and continue putting my hope in God. But there is only so many disappointments a girl can take…

16 May 2012

Wed, 16 May 2012 23:53:42 +0800

You know that feeling when your only hope is God and you put all your hope in Him and He just doesn’t seem to be doing anything? I am feeling that terribly now.

I’ve been desperately trying to find a temp job/internship for 3 weeks now. I’ve sent out a barrage of resumes applying for various job positions and all I got was one phone call back. I want to get it as soon as possible because I have to take leave on the first week of June and it’s not very good to take leave that early on in a job. The worse part is, all my friends seem to be getting jobs like nothing. I applied for one job position together with a friend and even though the company had 5 vacancies, they chose her and not me. Honestly starting to think that there is something seriously wrong with me. I am just so disheartened and feeling so rejected now.

For the first time in my life, I actually want to make my holidays a fruitful one and work hard and learn new things, and it seems like God is playing a cruel trick on me. I was reluctant to start working during the hols last year but I managed to find a job in less than a week. Wow. I’m finding it increasingly hard to believe Jeremiah 29:11 now but I have no choice. God is my only hope in this kind of a situation. Just forcing myself to move along and trust God.

My parents are now being their commonly quarrelsome and childish selves. It’s past the shouting and screaming stage already. That was yesterday. Today, it’s gone to the cold shoulder stage. And all I can put my hope in again is God. They were having a very good streak of peacefulness the past couple of weeks, especially the past few days, when I was feeling so distant from God and when I came back to Him, they started arguing again. Is this some big joke? I’m just so…disheartened. There’s the word again.

Today’s my mum’s birthday and I haven’t got to see her all day and I didn’t wish her happy birthday because I wasn’t too happy with her either. Now I’m wondering if anyone wished her because my dad certainly did not. And I’m feeling very bad about it because she’s the person I love the most. Ugh. We are one screwed up family made of screwed up people. God help us.

I’m just feeling terrible now.

I got back my essays today. A, A-, B and 46/50. PRAISE GOD! This time, all the praise and glory...

Tue, 08 May 2012 18:04:34 +0800

I got back my essays today. A, A-, B and 46/50.

PRAISE GOD!

This time, all the praise and glory goes to You, God! This time, I want to stay with You. I don’t want to seek You only in times of need and turn my back away from You when life is going great.

Praise God!

Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you, in the sight of the children of mankind! Psalms 31:19.

I don’t understand the things that God allows His people to go through. I have a close friend...

Fri, 04 May 2012 10:57:38 +0800

I don’t understand the things that God allows His people to go through.

I have a close friend (only 20 this year) who is a dedicated christian and actively serves in her church. Her whole family, in fact, are dedicated chtistians. Last year, she had a sudden heart virus attack which caused her heart to stop beating and her brain is now damaged as a result of oxygen deprivation. Her personality is lost, her maturity is lost (due to loss of memory of many of her teenage years) and her motor skills are severely affected. All this obviously took such a toll on her family, especially her mum who stayed by her side every single night in the hospital. She always looked so tired. When she got out of coma, she could not will her body to do anything. Now she can walk, although she has not fully regained her original physical capabilities. Her brain, however, still has a long way to go. I feel so sad for her and I can’t help but ask God why does He allow this to happen to her and her family. But I know one thing, something good is going to come out of this and I am looking forward to it! :)

3rd May 2012

Thu, 03 May 2012 23:18:16 +0800

Second day of post-exams-summer-holidays period. Have not gotten into the groove of the list of commitments I made to start during the holidays. It was probably not a good idea to sleep at 2am when I had to leave the house before 9 this morning for a job interview…especially after 2 weeks of sleep deprivation during the exam period. I hope I get a job soon! I don’t want to slack my holidays away, and I certainly will without a job. I am perfectly capable of sitting in front of my laptop for days and weeks just watching shows. It’s scary.

The job agency offered me a job as HR consultant in their very own firm. The job sounded rather demanding, fast-paced and tiring. It was also partially commission-based. I, being the queen of slackers (and ultimate scaredy cat towards failures), have always vowed to never take on a commission-based job. But I expressed my interest anyway, partly because it sounded like a very good experience and eye-opener and partly because of a quote I recently came across. It was from a character in my favourite show (Castle!!! heh) and it goes like this: “Always do the thing you fear the most”. When I first heard it, I was rather blown away. I agreed wholeheartedly. I realised I have been doing this since the start of the year, but subconsciously.

My friend and I agreed that this year is going to be a year of first times - mostly because we are both very passive people in our church community. So far, I’ve had quite a few first times, many which are going out of my comfort zone, or in other words, the things I fear. I have to say I am quite proud of how much I have progressed so far. 2 short years ago, I was pathologically shy among my church friends (I have no idea why, thinking back, it’s stupid as heck). Now, I am singing in front of them and sharing embarrassing stories about my past with them. I am looking forward to continually stepping out of my comfort zone and DO THE THING THAT I FEAR THE MOST. And it’s going to be a loooog journey, because I am afraid of many things. Hahahaha. Oh crap, does that mean I have to go inside haunted houses too?? Let me make this one tiny exception….heh.

Anyway, back to the job, I will most likely not be getting it, because I won’t be able to work for 1 week in June and it’s not suitable to their schedule. But that’s okay. That 1 week I will be spending it by facing one of my greatest fears - public speaking and debating! Arghhhh!!! But it’s gonna be an exciting and enriching experience so I can’t wait! :)

HAVE A GREAT DAY EVERYONE OUT THERE! Let me just get cosy in my bed with a book entitled “Inventing Human Rights” to end the night off. I’m a weirdo. Don’t judge me.

2nd May 2012

Thu, 03 May 2012 01:35:20 +0800

So I was high on life, then not anymore.

Last paper today, so all was going great as expected, except for that little tinge at the bottom of my heart worried for results day.

Got to meet one of my best friends and just walk around the shopping centre for hours aimlessly, talking about everything and anything, including dream houses. She’s the total go-to friend in all dream house discussions. Side note, I want a treehouse, a grand piano and a totally padded room in my house!! Also, a fireman pole is a must!!! I’m such a child in such things…and I don’t care! Getting to meet her made my day. I thought I had to spend 4 hours wondering the streets, scavanging for friends and entertainment before my tuition started.

Bought a cute (according to that aforementioned best friend of mine, personally I didn’t really think so) letter writing set for my tutee and she liked it, so I’m happy :) And it only cost me 2 bucks. I hope I’m not sending her the wrong message. Getting her a letter writing set to motivate her to study hard for midyears and she uses them to write notes to her boyfriend instead of studying. Hahaha. Taught her English today so I didn’t feel like puking blood. Math is the puke blood worthy subject, because she is so weak in understanding all the concepts and formulas, and her lack of motivation to want to improve just makes everything worse. I have to learn to be stern. Good training for future motherhood anyway…

After tuition, got to have a long, nice chat with my guy friend. Superheroes and war tactics. Talking to guys are fun! I’m such a guy. And a kid. I’m a small boy.

The day ended with a huge fight with my mum where I broke the commitment of being patient and understanding to her. Our issues run deep. Every fight we ever had probably stems from the same root. Wow, I make us sound like a dysfunctional couple. But back to the point is, I need more self-control.

Clearly, lots to thank God for and lots to pray for.

Continue to PUSH on.
Pray until something happens :)

My hope lies not in earthly things, but in God himself, the maker of heaven and earth, from whom comes my help also. Hope worthy to hold on to forever.

Yay okay! Have a great day/night! :)

Okay argh, this is very difficult to constantly write on this...

Sun, 29 Apr 2012 16:09:37 +0800

Okay argh, this is very difficult to constantly write on this blog. But I really want to. I used to write stories in primary school, but I never finished any one of them. I loved writing, and still do, but I was never committed to writing them. That’s one of the reasons why I started writing poems the past few years - they don’t require a high level of commitment. I clearly have commitment issues. So I really want to do this - keep this blog alive even if no one is reading whatever I’m posting here. A matter of personal integrity. Besides, I always pen down my thoughts about God and my walk with Him, so why not on the internet where someone out there may read it and be inspired or something like that. So today as I settle down to study for my last paper (wooh!) after a heavy lunch which has caused me to me very, very sleepy, I shall write this post!

Okay, so here’s a photo of my friends praising my writing skills (yes, I’m the one named Benita) and does this sound like I’m being so conceited or what?! Oh gosh…I better hurry and get to my point. Their compliments really made my day. I’ve never been complimented on my writing this way before, or any talent/skill of mine for that matter (if I even have other talents/skills, that is). I always grew up asking God since the bible says that everyone is gifted in their own ways, and one should use their gifts to glorify God, then where is mine? Sometimes, I would feel lousy about myself, watching all my friends excelling at their special skills - photography, music, studies, drawing, and many more. I thought I would be one of those people God set aside for miscellaneous work like…I don’t know. Lend a listening ear, encourage others or simply be a sturdy shoulder to cry on. Not that those things are not honourable works, but the thing I’ve discovered along the way is that I’m not particularly good in any of them too. That was what troubled me the most. I felt so disappointed in myself at times, especially when I have relatives who despise Christians, and my nobody-no talent status was not helping God’s name at all.

But God has brought me along this road to discovery where I begin to understand and claim whole of the fact that my identity and self-worth lies in God alone, and not in what the world says about me. Sure, I am still insecure at times, but now I know, and I simply go back to God. My relatives despising Christianity is none of my business. God’s glory and majesty will be shown in all His light one day. He will prove His name one day, and every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that He is God. Who else is better to shine His glory to the world than God Himself? I don’t have to worry. I just do what I gotta do on this earth, and if no one notices, who cares? God sees, and God will reward.

Another road of discovery He has led me on is the understanding of this very verse, which is now one of my favourite verses. It has made me want to name my daughter (if I ever have one) Grace, because His grace just means so much to me.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9

All my life, I took God and His presence for granted. One of the most common things that children born in Christian families go through. Sometimes I wish I had not been born in a Christian family so I could have my own story of salvation to tell. But I know God’s story is the best one to tell. Even though I knew God ever since I could understand the concept of a god, I never truly started a relationship with Him until I really made the effort to draw near to Him and commit myself to the church, the people and the activities. I was only a Christian by name for the first 18 years of my life. This, I guess is not very different from a salvation story. God blessed me with this amazing family in Christ that I have now slightly more than a year ago. That was when I truly started to make my way to God. A few months in and I started to stumble. I was chronically lazy, dishonouring to my parents, was constantly doubting my self-worth (in part due to my relatives’ tactless words regarding my future and whatnot) and many other shit I would rather not mention here. I felt so lousy about myself, and I kept questioning why do I even bother going on to be in this relationship with God. I still loved God, I was still in love with Jesus, but I just kept feeling I was not good enough to be a child of God. So the first time in my life, I honestly considered turning my back from God. I went to sleep with the heaviest of hearts, so heavy that I could not even summon tears to cry my sadness away. I woke up with the same heavy heart and I just took up my phone and Googled “bible verses for when you have fallen”. Thank God for Yahoo! answers, I came across these two verses:

Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD shall be a light unto me. I will bear the indignation of the LORD, because I have sinned against him, until he plead my cause, and execute judgment for me: he will bring me forth to the light, and I shall behold his righteousness.
Micah 7:8-9

For though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again, but the wicked are brought down by calamity.
Proverbs 24:16

I was very comforted by these two verses. I began to have my quiet time with God. I began to have the strength to cry out to God to forgive me. The thought “I just can’t do this” kept running through my mind. Then at that moment, the concept of “grace” suddenly clicked in my head and everything about it just made sense. The church have been preaching about this concept for so long, and I have heard it a thousand times in my life. I understood it on an intellectual level, but I realised on that day that deep within, I always had a belief of my own that if I could be a good enough daughter, a good enough student, a good enough friend, do some volunteer work and what not, I could be validated in front of God. I suddenly understood what God meant by His grace, on both an intellectual and experiential level. From that day on, I have been so grateful of His grace. I have been singing praises of His grace. Doing the volunteer work that I’ve been doing suddenly took on a different meaning - I wasn’t doing this to earn my way to God’s heart but because I was already in God’s heart and I wanted to show others this amazing and wonderful grace that I have come to know. I always asked God for good grades in my prayers, and telling Him that it will go to His glory. But who can fool God, seriously. He knows all our deepest and darkest secrets and desires.

Now, I’m just amazed at how far I’ve come on this journey with Him, how far He has brought me. My attitude towards my own works, and my own self-worth have totally changed. Perhaps this is why He has started to show me my own talents. The Benita I knew before would read those compliments and be all “Yeaaahh, I kick butt in writing, I know it”. The Benita I am now has been thanking God for the compliments that have helped to boost my confidence in my writing and to be more daring in showcasing them to my friends, this gift that He has given me which I enjoy immensely and I just keep wondering and asking God what exactly does He want me to do with this gift in terms of contributing to my church and my cell.

We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith;if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach;if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead,do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.
Romans 12:6-8

This verse keeps coming to my head, and currently I don’t know how to use this skill of mine to contribute to His works except perhaps to pen poems about His greatness and love, which I am already doing so. Love is the greatest inspiration to many artists, and I found the greatest love of all. My poems used to be all about other things going on in my life. Now, when I write, I can’t help but be drawn to write about God. I hope this skill of mine will go far for God’s namesake, because this is all possible only through Him.

Oh my my, another long post! Argh. I’m so sorry. Have a great day and I hope you may experience God’s grace in abundance :)

Just had a wonderful lunch with my mum :) I honestly love her...

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 23:39:54 +0800

Just had a wonderful lunch with my mum :)

I honestly love her so much. She smolders me with her love every single day and sometimes in a good way, other times in a bad way. If I were to list out every single thing she has ever done for me, and every single sacrifice she has made for me, I would not be able to leave my seat for the next few hours, and that’s only because I can’t remember all of them. But what troubles me the most is that even though I love her so much and appreciate all that she has done for me, whenever she rubs me in the wrong way, I find it so easy to get angry at her and start a quarrel. I’m pretty sure there are many people out there who are struggling with the same issue. After all, the saying “familarity breeds contempt” has a lot of truth in it.

However, today I want to make a new COMMITMENT (hoho, applying what I’ve learnt during sermon again!) to be a more patient and caring daughter.

“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. Exodus 20:12

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

On a side note, I have one paper left, 6 days later! And it only counts for 30% of my grade! (compared to my other papers which count to 60% of my grades, this is relatively low). So I have switched on the slacking mode! Or should I say, catching-up-with-sleep mode? Because I am suffering from serious sleep deprivation right now. Hahaha okay goodnight/morning/afternoon/evening whenever you’re reading this and have a great day!

Wooh! Happy :)

This is my verse for the year! Except it’s...

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 10:54:19 +0800

This is my verse for the year! Except it’s “self-discipline” instead of “a sound mind”. I chose it mainly for the part on self-discipline, but as the months passed, I realised I really need to work on “a spirit of power and love” too. Haha :)

We think we know it all

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 17:03:55 +0800

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways submit to Him,
And He will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

I just wanna share this verse today. I sat for the final paper for my “Intro to Political Science” module last Saturday and after exiting the exam hall, I recalled a rather important point that I should have included in my essay. I’ve been fretting about this issue the past few days. It’s very unlike myself. I’m usually the kind who sits for a paper and once the invigilator says “Time’s up. Please put your pens down.”, my mind automatically blanks out every shred of information about the paper and all my preparation for it and goes on to the next paper in question (or play, if it’s my last paper!!!). So now that this is happening to me, it’s extreme infuriating for me! I keep trying to forget about it, but I just can’t let it go and make my peace with it. So now it’s time for some Proverbs 3:5-6. My understanding is: if I included that point in my essay, I would be able to score a better grade. But I will not lean on my own understanding, regardless of the situation, because His ways are always higher than our ways. Our moments of wisdom are God’s moments of foolishness. Who else is better to entrust our lives to? I will submit this shortfall on my part to God, and trust that He works all things for the good of those who love Him, including something seemingly small and insignificant like this. He will make my paths straight, and He will make your paths straight too. All you need to do is trust in Him.

You Are - Jason Castro The day God ran I will set out and go...

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 15:15:17 +0800

You Are - Jason Castro

The day God ran

I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. Luke 15:18-20

I have to admit, I didn’t have anything to write about yesterday because I was feeling spiritually dry and far away from God. Today I decided to listen to Klove and this song came on. I wasn’t particularly seeking for God; I was doing revision for my exams. But when this song came on, I started singing along to the happy chorus that made me want to sing and dance and when I reached the line “You are the song I wanna sing”, I just felt God’s presence hit me so strongly. I suddenly felt all of His love, His peace, His grace, His greatness, all at once. I started crying and smiling and everything. I was reminded of the prodigal son and how God ran to him as he took small steps towards God. I didn’t seek God this time at all, all I did was simply turn on the radio because I was bored of listening to Linkin Park, and He still came to visit me in my humble abode, in front of my laptop, to live in my heart, forever. God never fails to amaze me with His majesty, His grace and His love. I just can’t give Him enough thanks. I love to write, but every time God amazes me yet again, I am just speechless. Words will never be sufficient to describe how majestic and glorious and great He is.

I’m also beginning to find out just how dependent I’m getting on God’s word. Now, every time I’m going through a tough time, my first thought will be to think of Bible verses which can apply to what I’m facing and if I can’t think of any, I’ll simply Google it. Then I’ll simply meditate on those verses and claim them. It has been an amazing journey thus far. I was born into a Christian family, so for 18 years I went to church out of habit. I believed in God, I knew about God, but I didn’t know Him. I didn’t have a real relationship with God, only praying when the storms of life hit me. I took for granted. Some how, some where, I decided to start to take this seriously, to take the first step to purposefully find my way to God. He didn’t disappoint and did as He promised; I found Him and this journey that I embarked on has been so amazing thus far. And it is still amazing, and I know the future is going to be as amazing and even more. Now I don’t just listen to my pastor saying “I accepted Christ into my life 30 years ago and since then, it has been an amazing journey”. I might still be far from 30 years, but nonetheless, I live it now, I know how it feels like, I understand now why people can be so happy and joyful in God. And trust me, once you’ve lived it, you will want more than 30 years, because now I simply can’t imagine life without God.

Today’s verse:

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.

During this stressful exam period, I want to remind myself to continue to cling on to God and the hope I have in Him, because He is always faithful and He never fails to deliver His promises. I would like to remind you to continue to hold on to God too, whatever you are going through in your life right now, be it good times or bad times.

I’ve found the greatest love of all, and I can’t stop falling in love with Him.

What's so good about Friday?

Sun, 22 Apr 2012 23:18:09 +0800

Wow…okay. I honestly don’t know what to post today. So here’s a poem I wrote a while back for my cell’s Good Friday event. I didn’t share it with our guests in the end because I am very, very insecure about my poem writing skills, but I do love writing them a lot. It’s basically about the start of my journey with God. I will delve into that story on here another time. For now, my mind is miles away in public administration and bureaucracies, lol.

What’s so good about Friday?
School comes to naught, sleep
Draws me in like play
Too haste in desires, parents
Spoil the day
Heavy footed, barely awake
Off we go to church again
This God I know, by name,
Christian, but not by heart
A friend of little value, I
Mouth words of prayers only
When life isn’t so friendly
To a King who gave His all,
And then, some more
Wait, now,
The good part starts
This King I speak off
Just wouldn’t let go
Majestic, glorious,
Yet He loves me, so much,
He sent His son to die for me
This day, years back
And years later,
Gave me this family
I grew and learnt, found
The greatest love of all
Is mine to have, here to stay
But you live life long enough, you’ll know
Happy ever after-s have no place
Stumbling, I was not spared
Sin and distractions follow,
Behind, close, stealthy
Not long later, they trip,
I fall
Down to one day where
Giving up seemed like the only option
Was when I comprehend
Not by works, like this world tells
But by grace, His grace
Now I’ve never been more
Captivated, in love
I know ahead of me
Is still not all roses or
Sunshine with dewy mornings
But I’m never looking back
Because,
He’s put a song on my lips
A dance in my hips
A poem through my fingertips
And why I’m here
Reciting this to you
This is my story, from
My heart
Now I ask of your reason
What’s so good about Friday?

Till death do us part

Sat, 21 Apr 2012 23:40:15 +0800

Wow okay today was a very long and tiring day. Could barely talk to my friend on the bus ride home and now my mind is just…not working. So I will make this as quick as possible.

Today’s sermon was a very good one so I thought I’d share it here (not to mention, I don’t have to think so much about what to write, haha)!

This is what Hezekiah did throughout Judah, doing what was good and right and faithful before the Lord his God. In everything that he undertook in the service of God’s temple and in obedience to the law and the commands, he sought his God and worked wholeheartedly. And so he prospered. 2 Chronicles 31:20-21

My pastor started off by mentioning that divorce rates in the U.S. has reached an alarming 50%. What happened to the sacred vows that they uttered on their wedding day? Why is this happening? Because couples nowadays make a decision, but fail to make a commitment. Because they do not fully understand what constitutes commitment.

So what exactly is commitment?

1. Choice, not circumstance

It’s the choices that a person makes not during the right circumstances but when the winds are blowing and the waves are roaring, to continue to stick to whatever he has committed himself to doing. Ask a married couple on their honeymoon how committed they are to their marriage and more often than not, they will say “very committed”. Ask them again 20 years later after time has caught up with their youth and revealed their flaws over and over again. The couple who can answer the exact same answer; that right there is true commitment.

2. Small things, not the big things

“Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. Luke 16:10

It’s the small things that you do repeatedly that is true commitment. Studying 2 hours everyday instead of purting off studying till the last few weeks and then have epic 12-hour-long studying sessions is not true commitment. That is what I do, by the way. Time to change!

3. Single-mindedness and not half-heartedness

We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully. Romans 12: 6-8

It is not fruitful to be involved in so many things. After all, the famous and very true saying goes “Jack of all trades, master of none”. Decide on what you want to do and focus on them. Usually, God calls you to the ministry where He has equipped you with a spiritual gift in.

4. Action, not intention

“Speak to the entire assembly of Israel and say to them: ‘Be holy because I, the Lord your God, am holy. Leviticus 19:2

According to linguists, commitment is a noun. But this is not an English lesson, so I’m here to tell you that commitment in a verb. What you do reflects best where your commitments lie. Talk is cheap because talk is easy. Anyone can say “I love you” to a friend but not everyone can demostrate that love by setting their own needs aside and attending to their friend’s needs first.

Commit to your marriage, your church, your personal growth and your ministry.

To wrap it all up: stay faithful and give your 100% to God.

This message came at a very good timing for me when I was just fretting about my inability to be disciplined enough to study. In fact, my ill-disciplince is extended to all other parts of my life. I have improved though. I have started to exercise and read the bible more regularly. But it’s not enough! I want to do more. So here’s the list of commitments I commit to having (lol):

- do my devotion time daily
- read the bible daily, continue with my daily bible reading plan
- practise my guitar/piano daily (alternate days)
- read one christian literature/political science/other academic books every month
- read a poem a day
- write one poem every month
- post on this blog daily
- run 3 times a week
- when next semester starts, study 2-3 hours every weekday and 4-5 hours every weekend
- do voluntary work on a regular basis
- open up more to my cell in terms of sharing and praying

Okay the last two points are not quantifiable because it’s not very possible to, but I will update you guys on my progress! I’ve been giving weekly voluntary tuition to a girl in a girl’s home and will continue to do so untilher final exams, which is on the later part of this year, so I got that commitment down already (based very largely on the fact that I will get a bad rep among the people in-charge if I pull out and also because I don’t want to abandon the friend I go with to give tuition, haha). As for the last point, it’s been a huge struggle for me because I am inherently quiet and keep to myself among people whom I’m not particularly close with, especially big groups, and my cell is huuuge! But I am improving and forcing myself to. Hopefully, I will get there someday! I want to, so I will. I want to because I feel it is very crucial to be open and initiative within your cell to be able to grow and do God’s work. If I can’t share with my church friends my true feelings, how am I going to share the gospel with others, right?

It’s my exam period now, so some of the “less important” commitments such as reading poems and academic books will be put on hold for these few weeks. After my exams are over, I will start all these full force! I will be updating my progress right here. Anyone out there who has a similar issue, I hope you will embark on this journey with me towards commitment! And if you will, share it with me!

I hope you have gained as much from this word as I have! Remember, commit!

Everything for the glory of God.

P.S. Typing this post despite how tired I am right now is my very first step towards my commitment goals. Oh, look! The first update of my progress.

School, the future and my lazy bum.

Fri, 20 Apr 2012 19:19:02 +0800

Ah! I typed this whole long post and posted it but somehow the whole text disappeared, and left only the title. I’m going to attempt to recreate it based on my memory. This time, I’m typing it on Word first! Arghh.

A little back story about myself: I’m a first year arts student majoring in political science now. My short term academic goals are to score good grades (duh) and hopefully get a place in an overseas student exchange. As for a career, I’m looking into public administration, more specifically a consultant in backward countries. All these goals I hold dear and close to my heart. However, for the life of me, I can’t seem to just sit down and put in decent study hours. I’m always so restless, choosing to do other things instead of study. I completely lack any discipline or motivation to study. As a result, I’ve scored bad grades in my first semester, and hoping against all hopes that God will do a miracle for me in my second semester.

I’ve been feeling quite hopeless and scared for the future in the past few weeks, something that I have never felt before. I was always so hopeful for my future because I had reason to be. All my academic life, I have been scoring good (not the best, but still good) results which have gotten me to schools where I made lots of great friends and had lots of fun and wonderful experiences and grew and learned. I never regretted anything. My mentality was also “Wow! If I had actually given my best and gotten better grades, I would have gone to a better school and missed out on all these experiences and people!” Now, I’m in university and the stakes are so much higher. Now, the bible verses that promise us bright futures really require faith for me to believe and claim.

One thing I’ve learnt from this is that when God puts you in situations that truly require your faith, it is so very tough to rise up and say “I trust in God.” But I will nonetheless. He is my only source of hope and strength now. I have no one else and nothing else to turn to. God has never failed to fulfill His promises, nor has He ever been unfaithful. That is reason enough for me to continue clinging on to Him and believe in His promises.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

We are not defined by who we are, what we do or our pasts. We are new creations in God (Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17). Our pasts have absolutely no effect on what we can become in God. That’s why in God, we can prosper. Everyone has made mistakes and blundered before, like the ones I mentioned earlier. But with God, all of those past mistakes don’t matter. My poor grades don’t matter; don’t stop me from achieving what God has planned for me, which is going to be gooood. And the great thing about God is, He will even provide you with things that are better than what you wanted and hoped for. What’s a piece of paper showing Cs and Ds going to do to God? Pretty sure the one who created the universe can handle that little obstacle. Of course, I will strive to work hard during the remaining years in university.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

God will help me through this studying and examinations period. He will help me to study fast, study smart and do my papers wisely. He will also help you in whatever you need help in! Because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world (1 John 4:4)!

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

Lastly, our God is interested in prospering us for His name’s sake, and in helping us through life. But the amazing thing about God is He knows us well; He knows the desires of our hearts and He wants to bless us with them! But don’t forget the prerequisite – delight yourself in the Lord. Put Him first in everything, pray, worship, spend time with His people, serve others, bring glory to His name is everything you do. God is going to bless me with that overseas student exchange program, that dream job of mine, or other things which are so much better, but in our constantly busy lives, let us not forget to also set aside some time to spend with God.

Most importantly, however, may God’s will be done. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Wow, that was such a release to write all that. I’ve always loved writing – another reason why I’ve always wanted to start a blog. Writing has always provided me with many things - expression, entertainment, joy, and today, a renewal of faith. I hope this post has benefited you as much as it has benefited me!

Back to studying. Everything for the glory of God.

First post of the blog...

Fri, 20 Apr 2012 16:00:50 +0800

I really hope that I will continue to keep this ~~blog~~ tumblr alive, unlike the trail of dead blogs that I have abandoned. This will be different!

So basically I will be talking about my relationship with God here (disclaimer: not a theology expert nor a fan of religious activities, simply interested in being in a relationship with God), completely anonymous (for now) because I am the biggest wuss you will ever meet. I hope this blog will be able to make a difference and inspire people, even if it’s just one person. A small little tidbit about myself, I’ve always wanted to create a website that can help and inspire others, but somehow I’ve never been able to do so. Then I experienced the greatest help and greatest inspiration of all - Jesus. So hopefully this will be different. Or whatever, you know. Most importantly, His will be done!

Everything to the glory of God.