A Girl In Love

“The problem is we look at the world through the law, but we ask Jesus to look at us through mercy and grace.”

So true. I’m guilty of this very much.

What do you do when sorry has lost its meaning with you because you’ve said it countless times but never seem to change?

Sorry seems to be the easiest thing to say, and the hardest thing to do.

I got back my essays today. A, A-, B and 46/50.

PRAISE GOD!

This time, all the praise and glory goes to You, God! This time, I want to stay with You. I don’t want to seek You only in times of need and turn my back away from You when life is going great.

Praise God!

Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you, in the sight of the children of mankind! Psalms 31:19.

I don’t understand the things that God allows His people to go through.

I have a close friend (only 20 this year) who is a dedicated christian and actively serves in her church. Her whole family, in fact, are dedicated chtistians. Last year, she had a sudden heart virus attack which caused her heart to stop beating and her brain is now damaged as a result of oxygen deprivation. Her personality is lost, her maturity is lost (due to loss of memory of many of her teenage years) and her motor skills are severely affected. All this obviously took such a toll on her family, especially her mum who stayed by her side every single night in the hospital. She always looked so tired. When she got out of coma, she could not will her body to do anything. Now she can walk, although she has not fully regained her original physical capabilities. Her brain, however, still has a long way to go. I feel so sad for her and I can’t help but ask God why does He allow this to happen to her and her family. But I know one thing, something good is going to come out of this and I am looking forward to it! :)

3rd May 2012

Second day of post-exams-summer-holidays period. Have not gotten into the groove of the list of commitments I made to start during the holidays. It was probably not a good idea to sleep at 2am when I had to leave the house before 9 this morning for a job interview…especially after 2 weeks of sleep deprivation during the exam period. I hope I get a job soon! I don’t want to slack my holidays away, and I certainly will without a job. I am perfectly capable of sitting in front of my laptop for days and weeks just watching shows. It’s scary.

The job agency offered me a job as HR consultant in their very own firm. The job sounded rather demanding, fast-paced and tiring. It was also partially commission-based. I, being the queen of slackers (and ultimate scaredy cat towards failures), have always vowed to never take on a commission-based job. But I expressed my interest anyway, partly because it sounded like a very good experience and eye-opener and partly because of a quote I recently came across. It was from a character in my favourite show (Castle!!! heh) and it goes like this: “Always do the thing you fear the most”. When I first heard it, I was rather blown away. I agreed wholeheartedly. I realised I have been doing this since the start of the year, but subconsciously.

My friend and I agreed that this year is going to be a year of first times - mostly because we are both very passive people in our church community. So far, I’ve had quite a few first times, many which are going out of my comfort zone, or in other words, the things I fear. I have to say I am quite proud of how much I have progressed so far. 2 short years ago, I was pathologically shy among my church friends (I have no idea why, thinking back, it’s stupid as heck). Now, I am singing in front of them and sharing embarrassing stories about my past with them. I am looking forward to continually stepping out of my comfort zone and DO THE THING THAT I FEAR THE MOST. And it’s going to be a loooog journey, because I am afraid of many things. Hahahaha. Oh crap, does that mean I have to go inside haunted houses too?? Let me make this one tiny exception….heh.

Anyway, back to the job, I will most likely not be getting it, because I won’t be able to work for 1 week in June and it’s not suitable to their schedule. But that’s okay. That 1 week I will be spending it by facing one of my greatest fears - public speaking and debating! Arghhhh!!! But it’s gonna be an exciting and enriching experience so I can’t wait! :)

HAVE A GREAT DAY EVERYONE OUT THERE! Let me just get cosy in my bed with a book entitled “Inventing Human Rights” to end the night off. I’m a weirdo. Don’t judge me.

We think we know it all

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways submit to Him,
And He will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

I just wanna share this verse today. I sat for the final paper for my “Intro to Political Science” module last Saturday and after exiting the exam hall, I recalled a rather important point that I should have included in my essay. I’ve been fretting about this issue the past few days. It’s very unlike myself. I’m usually the kind who sits for a paper and once the invigilator says “Time’s up. Please put your pens down.”, my mind automatically blanks out every shred of information about the paper and all my preparation for it and goes on to the next paper in question (or play, if it’s my last paper!!!). So now that this is happening to me, it’s extreme infuriating for me! I keep trying to forget about it, but I just can’t let it go and make my peace with it. So now it’s time for some Proverbs 3:5-6. My understanding is: if I included that point in my essay, I would be able to score a better grade. But I will not lean on my own understanding, regardless of the situation, because His ways are always higher than our ways. Our moments of wisdom are God’s moments of foolishness. Who else is better to entrust our lives to? I will submit this shortfall on my part to God, and trust that He works all things for the good of those who love Him, including something seemingly small and insignificant like this. He will make my paths straight, and He will make your paths straight too. All you need to do is trust in Him.

What’s so good about Friday?

Wow…okay. I honestly don’t know what to post today. So here’s a poem I wrote a while back for my cell’s Good Friday event. I didn’t share it with our guests in the end because I am very, very insecure about my poem writing skills, but I do love writing them a lot. It’s basically about the start of my journey with God. I will delve into that story on here another time. For now, my mind is miles away in public administration and bureaucracies, lol.

What’s so good about Friday?
School comes to naught, sleep
Draws me in like play
Too haste in desires, parents
Spoil the day
Heavy footed, barely awake
Off we go to church again
This God I know, by name,
Christian, but not by heart
A friend of little value, I
Mouth words of prayers only
When life isn’t so friendly
To a King who gave His all,
And then, some more
Wait, now,
The good part starts
This King I speak off
Just wouldn’t let go
Majestic, glorious,
Yet He loves me, so much,
He sent His son to die for me
This day, years back
And years later,
Gave me this family
I grew and learnt, found
The greatest love of all
Is mine to have, here to stay
But you live life long enough, you’ll know
Happy ever after-s have no place
Stumbling, I was not spared
Sin and distractions follow,
Behind, close, stealthy
Not long later, they trip,
I fall
Down to one day where
Giving up seemed like the only option
Was when I comprehend
Not by works, like this world tells
But by grace, His grace
Now I’ve never been more
Captivated, in love
I know ahead of me
Is still not all roses or
Sunshine with dewy mornings
But I’m never looking back
Because,
He’s put a song on my lips
A dance in my hips
A poem through my fingertips
And why I’m here
Reciting this to you
This is my story, from
My heart
Now I ask of your reason
What’s so good about Friday?